Monday, February 19, 2007

My Story, Part 1: History

Originally written May 19, 2006:
Growing up the second of five children, I always wanted a large family myself. As a young girl, I imagined being married at 18 or so and having 4 children about two years apart. Then I was going to adopt.

Reality: I'm 37 and single, living in an apartment, with debt, and I'm self-employed.

In my early twenties I thought I'd have artificial insemination if I was still single at 27. When I was 27 I realized I still have plenty of time for Mr. Right to come along. When I reached 30, I realized I was glad that Mr. Right and children hadn't come along since I'd learned so much about myself and wanted to work on myself a bit more so I'd be a better wife and mother when the time came. Basically, dumping all the stuff my mom had dumped on me and realizing my family had problems I didn't want to be a part of.

I decided to have a rich full life starting now and to be happy and content. After all, if I wasn't happy and content alone, how was I going to be so with someone else?

I cruised along, started another business on top of the one I had. I took up fencing and learned I was good at it and started competing. I kept myself fit and healthy so I'd be a fit old lady, and, just in case, have the best chance for a healthy pregnancy, birth and baby, but knowing I'd be happy no matter what.

Because I work with babies, I have a real sense of what is involved with daily care and expenses. Since I care for them in my home, an apartment, as a licensed daycare provider, I have a real sense of the limitations of my living space, my energy level, etc...

Also, ever since I was 12, when my baby sister outgrew her baby things and my mom was giving them away, I got to keep a couple pieces for my dolls. I ended up putting those things into my hope chest, which was a cardboard box. I've kept it and added to it all these years and when I was in my early twenties, and thought for sure motherhood was just around the corner, I added even more to it. Several years ago I decided I should get rid of it all since I didn't think I'd ever have kids, but I was only able to sell off some of it, just enough to have the room I needed, but still keeping all the best pieces. Now I know these things will be used on my child.

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