Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
I'm down with the flu: fever, aches, chills, stuffiness. It's day four today and the worse so far. Please pray that my grandmother doesn't get it!
She's back in Fresno after spending three hectic days with me before Thanksgiving getting her eyes and hearing aids checked. I was with her for 9 straight days and now that I've left, she's depressed, not eating and being mean and calling names. Tomorrow, a cousin will arrive in Fresno, perhaps she'll cheer up then.
On the Sunday after Thanksgiving, my Aunty and I got her dressed up and I took her to church for an hour. She was grateful, even though she slept through the last 30 minutes of the hour.
It's been an unusual twist in my life to switch my immediate focus off of Apple and onto my grandmother. I still make it a point to look at baby things in the stores I go into so I can keep thoughts of Apple near when I'm not at home.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Wow, I finished crossing off the entire first row of my countdown calendar! This last month flew by so fast that it's almost like it didn't exist.
I received a caring email from someone who read my last post and another one from a dear friend. Thank you both for your kind words. I feel better now that I saw my grandmother again. I think that after saying good-bye to her after my first trip to see her, I was worried that it would be the last time. Now I feel that I've had a bonus week and I got to see her again. From now on, each time I see her I will look upon as "bonus time." I bathed her and washed her hair and bought her a new nightgown. She looked so beautiful and vibrant, just like the grandmother I've always known. Here's a picture of her and another of us together. For those of you who are reading and are new, my TuTu is 95 years old and until a couple months ago, lived alone and drove!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
I need some comments! I'm feeling very isolated. My grandmother has begun the process of passing away. She's 95. I'm feeling very sad and alone right now. I've read many blogs of those who have lost loved ones and pets during their wait and now it's happening to me. I can see that we are at the time of life when we see the end of the life cycle more and more and our little children are the next beginning, bringing renewal, hope and energy.
I'm leaving to go back down to Fresno tomorrow. I'm taking my own car because I need to take my cats with me. I don't have anyone to take care of them for the extended weekend on such short notice. At least, one person has offered, but she has never done it before so I don't feel comfortable having her try for so many days. It's not a matter of pouring some kibble into a bowl, my cats eat raw food that I make and freeze, and they each must eat their own in their own places or my hearty eaters will eat their own portion of food and then the food from my kitties who like to graze for a bit. Please send up a prayer that my car gets me there and back safely (3 hour drive). There wasn't time to get a rental since I had been planning to take the Amtrak and stay only one night and the next day.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
My first secret pal experience didn't go quite as I thought either. I thought the gifts were supposed to be for our babies, mostly, with perhaps a little thing here or there for a pet or ourselves. My secret pal chose to send me things that are not appropriate for a baby unless she's to be a bubble bathing pyromaniac.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
At the beginning of my adoption process I reflected back on my life and concluded that for the past 15 years it has been predictable. This isn't to say that there hasn't been excitement, joy and other interesting, new and challenging things, but everything was, for the most part, very foreseeable. Now that has all changed. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster that flew off the tracks and is now racing at warp speed into a very unpredictable future.
I surely didn't expect to lose Max. Now, at the age of 95, my dear TuTu (grandmother) is finally showing her age. Until 6 weeks ago she lived on her own, for the most part, she even drove, shopped and cared for herself. It seems she may have had a mini stroke that has left her very weak and fragile. She is now living with my aunty and I'm changing my lifestyle to include trips to be with her and help out several times a month. The drive is about 3 hours if I stick to the speed limit and if there isn't any traffic. The fact that at 95 death can come at any time is not unpredictable, but the fact that my TuTu is now so frail is unexpected. She's very surprised, too. It's hard for her to have all her metal functions intact and to be physically unable to live as she is accustomed to living.
I am now wondering what the future holds for me. I know that I'll have my daughter, but I can't make any other predictions. I like the feeling of getting out of a sort of rut, but I have a tiny tinge of disquiet at the unknown, too.
We had an earthquake one week ago tonight. Where I live, this is predicable, but what if we have "the big one" and I lose my home? It didn't seem like a huge problem when I didn't have a daughter to think about. After all, I have my emergency kit and camping equipment. But now I feel a vulnerability that I didn't feel before.
FYI, the earthquake was a 5.6 and rather gentle, vibrating and rolling, not jerking, but lasted long enough to have a full conversation with the rest of my Mandarin class on whether or not we should stand in the doorway or get under the tables. Here are the new FEMA guidelines:
What to Do During an Earthquake
Stay as safe as possible during an earthquake. Be aware that some earthquakes are actually foreshocks and a larger earthquake might occur. Minimize your movements to a few steps to a nearby safe place and stay indoors until the shaking has stopped and you are sure exiting is safe.
If In a Moving Vehicle
If Trapped Under Debris