At the beginning of my adoption process I reflected back on my life and concluded that for the past 15 years it has been predictable. This isn't to say that there hasn't been excitement, joy and other interesting, new and challenging things, but everything was, for the most part, very foreseeable. Now that has all changed. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster that flew off the tracks and is now racing at warp speed into a very unpredictable future.
I surely didn't expect to lose Max. Now, at the age of 95, my dear TuTu (grandmother) is finally showing her age. Until 6 weeks ago she lived on her own, for the most part, she even drove, shopped and cared for herself. It seems she may have had a mini stroke that has left her very weak and fragile. She is now living with my aunty and I'm changing my lifestyle to include trips to be with her and help out several times a month. The drive is about 3 hours if I stick to the speed limit and if there isn't any traffic. The fact that at 95 death can come at any time is not unpredictable, but the fact that my TuTu is now so frail is unexpected. She's very surprised, too. It's hard for her to have all her metal functions intact and to be physically unable to live as she is accustomed to living.
I am now wondering what the future holds for me. I know that I'll have my daughter, but I can't make any other predictions. I like the feeling of getting out of a sort of rut, but I have a tiny tinge of disquiet at the unknown, too.
We had an earthquake one week ago tonight. Where I live, this is predicable, but what if we have "the big one" and I lose my home? It didn't seem like a huge problem when I didn't have a daughter to think about. After all, I have my emergency kit and camping equipment. But now I feel a vulnerability that I didn't feel before.
FYI, the earthquake was a 5.6 and rather gentle, vibrating and rolling, not jerking, but lasted long enough to have a full conversation with the rest of my Mandarin class on whether or not we should stand in the doorway or get under the tables. Here are the new FEMA guidelines:
What to Do During an Earthquake
Stay as safe as possible during an earthquake. Be aware that some earthquakes are actually foreshocks and a larger earthquake might occur. Minimize your movements to a few steps to a nearby safe place and stay indoors until the shaking has stopped and you are sure exiting is safe.
If In a Moving Vehicle
If Trapped Under Debris