Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

I am 39 years old today. It's a little disconcerting to be ending
my thirties, but I'm telling myself that I'm looking forward to being 40 next year since I'll be in a different competitive division in fencing.

One of my friends made me this Barbie cake since she knows I've been getting Barbies on eBay lately.

This is the Barbie cake with one really long candle.

I've nicknamed it the Wishing Cake to have a little fun.
The first wish is already coming true...

Soon I'll have a special little daughter.
This is beyond a wish, it's a miracle from God.

Ahh, how many years did I wish for a Mr. Right to come along?

Well, perhaps he'll come along and want
to love and cherish a Mother & Daughter.

Then maybe, the Mother & Daughter will love and cherish him in return.
Then the little daughter would have a mommy and a daddy...

...and we'll all live happily every after.

The End!

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Christmas with TuTu

TuTu is what I call my grandmother; it's Hawaiian. As I posted earlier, my TuTu's life is coming to an end after 95 1/2 years of good health and happiness. She is with me, having arrived a week ago Saturday. I wasn't sure when she arrived if I'd be able to take care of her beyond a week, but I know I can and it's important to me that I do, so she'll be staying with me until the end of her life. I've always known that I was the one who would take care of her at this time and, sure enough, it's come to be. I feel so priviledged to have this most special tender time with my TuTu, a time to show her how much I love her. Even though I've told her often, I believe that actions speak louder than words.

She can barely swallow now so eating is impossible and drinking extremely difficult. She doesn't want tube feeding and I agree with her even though it's hard to watch her getting so terrible thin. I've gotten very creative with liquid meals, but today she choked off and on for 3 1/2 hours after choking on a sip.

Tomorrow will be the first day of hospice care. For those of you reading, hospice is a type of care one receives in the last 6 months or less of life when one wants to remain at home rather than go to a hospital. If needed, a hospital bed and necessary equipment is brought into the home. In my case, I think I have a good set-up and don't think I need anything, but I'll find out tomorrow. The hospice nurses don't stay 24 hours, but check in on a schedule or as needed. I really don't know much yet, but will find out what I need to know tomorrow.

The weather was mild on Christmas day so I took my TuTu for a walk outside and I'd bought her a glittery Christmas top, which she's wearing in the above picture, so she had a present under the tree. Until two days ago, she could manage to speak a word or two or communicate with nodding if I asked her something, but today she is so exhausted from the choking episode that she can't do much at all.

Please remember us in your prayers. It is a hard time on one hand, but in other ways it doesn't seem hard at all, but very natural. I firmly believe in the natural order of life, being very pro natural birth, which I'm very well known for as a doula and birth advocate, but I'm also very pro natural death. To come to a gentle natural, dignified end of life is hard to achieve in western society, as death is generally fought and feared. My TuTu has had a great life and I'm priviledged to be the one to help her finish it out as she always indended to, at home.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

One Year Ago Dec. 27, 2007

It's been one year since my agency called to tell me that I got a single's spot with them. I cannot believe how fast the time has flown. I still remember the feelings I had:


I cried, I was shaking. I could scarcely believe it was real.

It was a miracle.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas!

I accepted Catherine's Christmas Tree Challenge and had so much fun. I've not had a tree since 9/11, the first two years because of the event and in the years after that, because I didn't have room for one. Well, I just spent two weeks completely rearranging my furniture and getting a few new things to make my home ready for my daughter. I've had it set up in a non-traditional way to give my daycare maximum room but I've now reclaimed my home for Apple and me.
I couldn't find a decent tree topper and I either got rid of my old one or can't find one of my boxes of decorations where they might be. I saw these butterflies at the craft store and use them instead. This is my main tree in the livingroom at night.

I have a second little tree, another real tree, in my bedroom so my grandmother, who is with me again, can see it. I'll try to take some close-up photos of my favorite ornaments later and post them.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

My Grandmother is Here

My grandmother is staying with me this week. She isn't going to be with us much longer. She's 95 1/2 years old and, until a few months ago, was perfectly healthy, still driving and living a full life. Now, her body is slowly shutting down. It's so hard to see her like this but I am so grateful for having her in my life for such a long, long time.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Apple's First Barbies

Asian little girl Barbie from Target.

Festivals of the World Collection - Chinese New Year Barbie.
I got her on eBay and there are a lot more available.

And, if for some reason, Apple doesn't like Barbies, I'll play with them myself, because I LOVE Barbies! In fact, I've bought several used lots off of eBay lately to replace my collection of Barbies that was stollen when I was burglarized years ago.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

8 Months (Plus 1 Day) Since LID

Woo Hoo, now crossing off the second row!!! I can't believe how fast time is passing.