Friday, January 4, 2008

My TuTu Died

My TuTu passed away early this morning (Jan. 3) in her sleep. I was sleeping right beside her on the bed and didn't know it until I suddenly awoke this morning several minutes before my alarm was due to go off. It took me a few minutes to be sure she'd died because she looked so peaceful and had good color and was warm, but then I knew she was gone.

I'm so happy for her that she's finally with family and friends she's not seen in a long time, my dear grandfather, her son who was killed in the Korean Conflict, her parents and sisters, etc...

I spent a quiet day calling people and making arrangements as needed. My Aunty drove up from Fresno and was with me shortly after noon. I didn't move TuTu until she arrived and then after some time we changed her clothes from her pretty nightgown to what TuTu called her "travelling clothes," black slacks and a velour top she loved to wear.

It wasn't until 5pm that I was ready to let her go. For me, the hardest part was letting strangers come and take her away, but they were a nice couple, LDS as a bonus, and they came in a white van. They put the gurney just inside my front door and said they'd carry her out and place her on it but my Aunty had suggested earlier that she and I carry TuTu out ourselves. (My apartment hall is too small to allow the gurney to fit through to the bedroom.) So, Aunty and I carried TuTu out and placed her on the gurney and wrapped her gently in a white sheet and placed a pretty burgandy velour quilted canopy over her. It had rained earlier but there was a break between storms when TuTu had to go. I helped wheel her to the van and get her inside which eased me a lot, like I was sending her on the first leg of her journey rather than feeling she was being "taken".

On Saturday, I'll go and dress her with the help of a cousin. It's particulary nice to note that TuTu will be wearing a white dress that my Aunty sewed. I thought it perfect that she will be buried in a dress her daughter made with her own two hands, stitched with love and care.

I'm doing very well. I'm sad and already missing her, of course, but I'm happy for her, that she's passed beyond this world and into the next. I'm very, very glad to have had this magical time with her these last couple weeks, feeling pure love like never before.


Eliza2006 said...

I'm sorry for your loss, and feel peace for your Tu Tu.


wzgirl said...

You are a special woman, K. I'm so glad that you and your Tutu had this time together - not to mention all the years of love that you shared. What a treasure.


Lisa and Tate said...

How sweet that she was able to go in her sleep and with you besides her. I know you will miss her, but she really is in a better place.

(from SALDS)

Beverly said...

I am so sorry to hear. Praying for you in your grief.


Lisa M. said...

My condolences.

Catherine said...

((hugs)) Understanding your hurt and grief...and also your willingness to let your tutu go.

Kim said...

I'm very sorry :(