Tuesday, March 24, 2009
From the White Depths and More
I awoke at 6:30am this morning with bad cramps. I suffer one day each month when Aunt Flo's visits and live on 800mg of ibuprophen every four hours during that day. If I'm asleep when the four hours expires, I sometimes awaken in terrible pain. If the pain is severe, it's too late to take ibuprophen because it has to be taken before the pain receptors are filled with the pain enzyme in the brain. So, I took something else on top of it, a prescription medication. Turns out, I took the higher end of the normal dose, 6:30am is when I'm sleeping my uttermost deep sleep of my entire night so my brain was only partially alert, and since I've not taken it on top of ibuprophen before, I paid for it today...
My digestive system slowed down to the point of actually stopping. I found this out when I stepped out of bed, was overcome with nausea and ran to the bathroom and threw up on an empty stomach. My stomach was so empty, in fact, that there wasn't even any bile or stomach acid. This is great for throwing up because there's no burning or bad taste, but it indicates a "sleeping" digestive system.
I took a small sip of water and it immediately bounced back out and this was my day. I had my bowl outside with me when the kids were playing and my kindly neighbor was trying to give me some kids' books but I was busy embarrassing myself by throwing up my two sips of juice.
I almost hit the 12 times mark, a record for me, but the day isn't over yet, is it?
I called the advice nurse after my daycare kids left (yes, I worked, but barely, and they are good kids and took VERY long naps) and, of course, the suggestion was to go to the emergency room. However, I knew I wasn't yet dehydrated and she said that the medication has varying rates of running itself out when taken orally, but when taken IM (by injection) it's out in 7 hours. Just then, my intestines gave a tiny rumble, the first of the day. I considered this like a sigh in one's sleep before they actually awaken. I figured I was just about at the 12 hour mark from taking it so it'd soon be cleared out and now I'm 13 hours from intake and it's looking better.
I've kept down about 1/3 cup of liquid jello, taken by tiny spoonfuls, and a few dry Cheerios! I feel fine, only very, very hungry. My appetite didn't diminish, only the ability to keep it down.
This is God's way to reminding me that if I got pregnant, I could be this way for the entire time, like a friend of mine with hyperemesis with all four of her pregnancies, but with the bile and stomach acid. Or, it might be me for the first three months. I do realize that all pregnant women don't feel sick like this, but I've had some unholy thoughts lately of getting pregnant while awaiting Apple.
After talking to a close neighbor about it, I can chalk it up to hormones and deprivation of male -uh, um *attentions* and that since I've been hanging out with a male friend, who just happens to be Asian, a LOT lately, socially, not dating, Mother Nature resumed the Biological Clock Ticking because Mother Nature cannot tell that I'm paper-pregnant.
The clock ticked loudly enough that I actually called my adoption agency and asked them what would happen to my standing if I did have a biological child. They said it's a bit frowned upon by CCAA, especially if the baby is born less than one year from the time of adoption, and they would recommend that I leave the baby in the U.S. if I travelled so as not to "rub it in CCAA's face." They also said the CCAA understands these things (but probably in married couples, right?) and so it's more case by case.
Hypothetically speaking, knowing I'm rather conservatively Christian and thought artificial insemination was not for me, or even consummated insemination, I still can't shake the fact that I can make a choice here, right now. I have one cycle to ponder this, about 2 weeks, because my Asian friend is returning home May 1. Of course, I didn't say a thing to him. He's ten years younger than I am (I can't believe I'm even thinking this, much less typing it), tall, rather handsome, which I didn't notice until he took off his glasses to clean them, very bright (he's a computer engineer, musician, budding ice skater), single, straight, unattached... Funny thing is that I'm not attracted to him as a mate, just a sire. This is strictly ticking clock urges, not attraction. I've NEVER experienced this and never knew I could feel like this. My neighbor said that even at age 65 she occasionally gets similar urges.
Any thoughts, blogger friends? I should also mention that the same spiritual "voice" I heard telling me that my daughter was in China also told me not to get rid of the gorgeous baby boy clothes I have in my "Hope Bins" back when I first started Apple's adoption and wanted to save space by ebaying away the boy things.