Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Still Thinking

I'm still thinking about and researching this next adoption choice. Today's task involved calling my medical insurance company and asking for some help understanding the policies. Why aren't these things taught in school - along with financial literacy? Tomorrow I have further calls to make and this Saturday I will attend another class at my agency called: How to Support Your Child's School Success. Although I've always intended to homeschool Apple, if I adopt an older child who has already been in school, she may have an expectation of continuing that and it might be right for her. I will only know when the time comes.

Every few days I learn something more that makes me change my mind about the ages of the children I'd seek or if I should try for one, two or just stick with Apple as an only child. Honestly, though, I am hoping that I can adopt two at once, plus Apple later. For the past few days, I've been leaning toward an older girl 6-8 yrs. old and a younger girl around 1 1/2 yrs. old (2 yrs. when I bring her home). From what I've read, having a large gap and being a single mom means that the girls will not be competing for the exact same thing from me.

I realize that at first, the older one needs to be allowed and even encouraged to regress so that I can baby her and complete some of the neurodevelopmental processes she missed out on, but long-term, it seems that this age spread is good. Bonding with two at the same time also has its own challenges so it might be especially rough at first.

One advantage to an older one and much younger one is that Apple will be spaced more naturally so I'll have two little ones and one big one. This will work out for the bedroom layout of my home, allow hand-me-downs in clothing (have to live on a tighter budget with three!), and this will also prevent me from filling up my highest income daycare spaces (my own children count in my childcare ratio). I can ease into the teenage years with one and have a little breather before the next, hopefully learning something that will help me with the next. I like the thought of having special things I can do with my older child that only she and I can do because she's older. Same with the little one.

I'm liable to change my mind the more I learn, so this is only the thought of the moment.


Karen said...

I agree with you about the age gaps. Keep in mind that if you decide to adopt a child younger than 26 months, that is still considered to be in the NSN "baby" category, in China's eyes. Apple could be as old as 24 months upon referral and still be considered AYAP NSN, although it's rare, it does happen. Unless you decide to go with SN for the toddler, you probably will not be able to adopt the younger one at less than 3 or 4 years old. That is (I believe) the age group that CCAA begins to consider the child to be SN due only to age factors.
Our daughter was NSN and almost 17 months old when we became a family.

Karen said...

Looking at your post again, it looks as if you have already considered the aspects of SN and age. You've certainly done your homework!

Christel, Jerry, Alex and Anthony said...

ok, K... :) all i can say is go, go, go! :) I think your plan is a good one. i don't know if you read any of my back posts on our blog, but i understand a lot of your thoughts you have been having. I always knew i would want a sister for Kimi (the only way i thought about two at once was if we got twins) So for us Maria is like that surprise child that people have when they are not expecting to. haha! Its rather amazing, really and at times it is hard for me to wrap my mind around TWO! but i KNOW it is God's will! I have thought for a couple years now that my next daughter would be from Ethiopia so... changes changes! Make sure you get your SW to approve you for three for your i600. Our agency said that as long as we keep our i600 current and there is one child left on it after an adoption we can keep using that approval, even for another country! I thought that was amazing! I can't wait until you start looking for your girls there are SOOO many precious girls waiting for families!! hey! what about a toddler boy? they are cool. maybe i am biased though.
I also understand about wanting apple to be the youngest, you have had her in your mind as being a baby for so long it only feels natural. I am readjusting my mind to Kimi being older, but she was always going to be my oldest daughter... but she won't be my first! Maria will be our daughter before Kimi technically. oh boy. its wild on our brains! oh my email is so we don't have to write each other these terribly long comments!! :)
When i think of other inputs i will send them over! :)