Sunday, December 12, 2010

Update #12 Not Good News

The other family decided to adopt the Child of My Heart. Their agency called mine to let them know they were waiting on one more doctor's report and then would most likely lock the file and submit their Letter of Intent. Since my agency hasn't heard back from them, I assume that this is exactly what they did.

My heart is aching and I cannot even imagine another child at this moment (except Apple, of course). I've tried looking at some pictures, but my heart is so full of my little almost daughter that there isn't room right now for someone else.

The only hope that is left is if this family didn't actually lock and their agency didn't let mine know, or they did lock and something happens along the way in the next several months that disrupts their process.

It's such a strange feeling to have been so committed to this and then to have it disintegrate in a second. If and when I feel ready to look at another child, I'm sorry to say it will be in a very guarded manner to avoid a repeat of this experience. I'm sorry about it, because I feel it takes an open heart to search all these files and pictures and decide if I can be the mother to one of them only to have someone else tell me yes or no in the end.

I know this now, the Waiting Child adoption arena is cut-throat. Agencies are looking for the children with the least of the special needs to grab for their special focus lists because their clients are most likely to accept these children. Next go the cutest looking children with moderate special needs, then the cutest onew with more severe needs.

I've read some amazing blogs lately written by families who adopted extraordinary children. Many children were found by their families when the families travelled to adopt their first child and visited the orphanage and saw them. Another family adopted a little girl who is still alive by the grace of God. Her little heart is so deformed that they weren't sure if she'd survive the trip home, but this little girl goes around all day long telling everyone how happy she is. She might be a candidate for a heart transplant, but I'm not sure. I'm adding these blogs to my blog list so you can read them, too.


Karen said...

We havent looked into SN adoption, but does HS have it's own list? I'm not quite sure how it works. It sounds as if this child was already "taken" by this other agency, and the other family was looking at the child's profile all along.
We saw a child at the orphanage when we adopted Cady, and my husband was obsessed with her, because we had a video of her waving at us from the playground. We had actually entertained thoughts of adopting her, but when we asked on the SWI forum, we were told that she had just found a family. I can only imagine when they come for her, and as she waves to them, they come closer to her. I was sad that we were unable to attempt adopting her, but I was so happy that she found her forever family.
I know it's hard now, but I believe strongly that we make pacts with others before we are born. What an exciting time for her to finally be (re)united with them, as it was already planned in the Heavens. The wait is hard, but it will all work out in the end.

Lisa and Tate said...

Kimi... huge hugs! this must be so hard to feel this child in your heart but not have it work out. Maybe Heavenly Father is paving the path to another special spirit.


Julie G. said...

I am so sorry that this didn't work out for you, but I'm a firm believer that when a door closes somewhere a window is opened. Keep your heart open and I know you'll find Apple's sister!

Chrissy said...

I'm so sorry. I wish these children that need so much love and a extra help could quickly and easily go to those that have the dedication and heart to give it to them. I hope and pray that this sweet little one has found a home that will provide all she needs. I also am praying for your broken heart to heal.