Thursday, January 27, 2011
All the Gear, Name, Sleep, etc...
As you've all seen in pictures, I've had fun shopping for my girls over the years. Now it's crunch time and I've separated Apple's things from Jie Jie's. Some will be handed down to Apple anyway.
As I look at it all, I remember how it felt in that moment to be thinking of Apple and feeling close to her. Now, I have a little face to go with some of those feelings. It's not hard to figure out what to save for Apple for later and what Jie Jie can have now. I had worried about this, but it's worked out beautifully.
One commented teased that I'll have gone though getting Jie Jie's room ready, bought the perfect bed and she won't sleep in it and will want to sleep with me. That is perfectly fine. I am open to whatever will work. I'd love to co-sleep, if that's the way we all sleep best. If not, then not.
If she doesn't like dolls, fine, I'll find something she does like. I am very open to discovering and loving Jie Jie for who she is. I could take all the clothes and kid gear away tomorrow and still be fine. In fact, starting with nothing might be easier than what I'm going through right now. What matters is that soon there will be one little girl here no matter what clothes she wears or where she sleeps.
Many have asked if she has an American name. The answer is no. At this time she only has her Chinese name. I like it. It's unusual, it's her own. Later, we will talk about it and if she wants an American name she'll have one. She is 7 and tiny or not, it's important for me to respect that. I don't feel a need to brand her, claim her. She is coming to me with 7 years of life already lived. She has been loved and cared for. In my heart she is my daughter. On paper, she will soon be my daughter. One day she will love me as her mother, whether the road there is smooth or rough. What more do I need than that?