Wednesday, July 6, 2011
The phone rang tonight and it was the anesthesiologist that Jie Jie's dentists uses. He was calling to find out if she qualified for in-office care. I told him about her special need and he was not worried about it. I've always been good about helping people in medical situations, bad with myself if someone is doing it to me, but if I did it to myself, I was okay. I'm a birth doula, have seen c-sections, and other birth-related stuff, have "doctored" many cats...
Months ago, looking at Jie Jie's file, it was so easy to say, "Yes, she'll need this and that, it's no problem, very easy to treat."
Now she's here, my insides are jelly. Have no doubt that I'll be strong for her. I must be. There is no other choice. But tonight as I heard the words intubated, IV, you can't be in the room, once I place her in your arms, etc... I really wanted to burst into tears. I know I'd feel much better if my insurance was in place, that she'd had recent blood work done, that there was someone familiar in place to turn to in case anything goes wrong. This insurance nightmare is adding stress to me that I could really do without.
I did take Jie Jie to observe other children at the dentist's office today. After her long night of avoiding sleep and further constant worry, I decided that I have to give her the chance to be brave and do this without general anesthesia. She has surprised me before with her strength and courage. Basically, the leverage I have is that she is more afraid of having an IV and being put under, which means out-of-control to her, than of anything the dentist may do to her. I left a message to be passed along to the dentist that I'd like him to try with whatever part of the treatment can be started and then stopped if she can't gop through with it.
I know in my mother's heart and in my head that if I don't let my daughter try this her way, I will be harming her.
In other news, I did hear back from the first tier of the insurance complaint process. They denied me my claim. However, they denied me something I wasn't even asking for: another mistake on their part. They based their decision on something completely different, the very thing that caused this problem long ago. You'd think my now they'd at least try to get it right. I immediately called to make the corrections and I'll be faxing a letter tomorrow, too. I heard before signing up for Kaiser that if something went wrong I'd just have to fight and fight and fight and never go away and then I'd succeed, but this is getting ridiculous.