Monday, August 1, 2011

Gong Gong Comes to Visit

Jie Jie's "Gong Gong" came for the first time and we had a great visit. He came a week ago Friday afternoon and left the following Monday afternoon so we had a nice full, fun weekend. She really liked him and had fun playing, but, of course, the family structure of where he fit in eluded her. Being only four months out from adoption day, I stuck to strict bonding protocalls, as I've done from the start, and I'm glad I did. By Saturday night there were clearly some issues coming up. Gong Gong was GREAT how he handled everything. I felt bad for him because he was dying to carry her and put her up on his shoulders, and do all the granfatherly things one would do, but by Sunday evening I knew Gong Gong was beginning to see the tip of deeper understanding of the issues Jie Jie has faced and continues to face as a newly adopted little girl.

I think it's important to recount something that came up because it is such a clear demonstration of how delicate the new relationship can be even four months out when everything is going fantastically. Jie Jie started clinging more to me and had trouble falling asleep, which isn't like her at all, unless something is up. As I knew things were getting harder for Jie Jie, I explained that I didn't know exactly what was wrong, but that my feeling was that Jie Jie didn't understand the relationship of Gong Gong in our lives and it was causing this insecurity. He asked, "Didn't you explain to her that I was your Ba Ba?" It was a defining moment when I replied, "Yes, but that doesn't mean anything to her other than the name she used for the orphange director's husband. She's still learning what a MOTHER is!"

I was so glad he came because I was feeling desperate for a family connection myself. This thing with Kaiser over the insurance has left a deep scar. It touched a part of my motherhood that gave me some moments of feeling inadequate because I couldn't provide basic medical insurance for my own daughter. Seeing Gong Gong with Jie Jie showed me how far I've come getting to know and understand her and love her and how far she and I have come as mother and daughter. A day or two after he left she told me she loves me BIG and that she was happy. That was the first time. Up to then, she loved me sometimes or loved me cha cha (a little).

Getting to know you. Henry, too!

Our little family.

I'll post a video soon of Jie Jie explaining what happened here!

I know I've mentioned how tiny my bathroom is, but here you can really see that you can sit on the toilet and brush your teeth at the sink!

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