Thursday, November 3, 2011
Reflections of Last Year
If you've followed my blog for very long, you will know that this time last year was horrific. I was chasing Jie Jie's file and spent two months doing it, always on the tail of an agency, one particularly uncooperative, along with forgotten promises to contact me by families reviewing then turning down Jie Jie after reading her file. The amount of time and energy I spent in fervent prayer, along with the prayers of several of you, were eventually heard, but tonight as I walked through Tar*get, I was so glad to see my daughter flitting around in front of me. I felt such a powerful surge of feelings, love for her, amazement, relief that it worked out and she's really mine, etc...
I remember going through Tar*get last year, raiding the sales, never imagining that I'd not find and lock Jie Jie's file. Then, in my deepest darkest moments, wondering if God found me inadequate to mother this child. I later learned that this was sort of the case. The spiritual growth that I experienced during The Great File Hunt made me worthy of being Jie Jie's mother. I know that without a doubt.
So, tonight, as I browsed the store, I marvelled at how fantastic it is to be a mother, specifically, my daughter's mother. I wondered about Apple and the teenager I'd love to find to be my daughter (provided some big miracles occur). I wonder if I'll even be able to give my daughter(s) the ultimate gift, a father to love them as I do. I know that I am fulfilling God's plan and that more blessings are in store for my tiny family of two and I'm looking forward to them more than anything.