I was finally ON THE COUCH! Today I spoke at my adoption agency in the class called Adopting an Older Child, and I was not a member of the class, sitting on a hard wooden chair, but a member of the PARENT panel, parents who come, with their kids, and speak about our experiences. It's been five years and 3 months since my official journey began (starting with my first agency appointment, not counting the 10 months leading up to that point). This was a milestone for me that I've been looking forward to since the beginning.
My daughter and the two boys of the other mom who was also on the couch with me, behaved exceptionally well. One future mom commented on this, saying how she can't stand to be around most kids because they cry and whine and interrupt. The class facilitator said that what they are seeing is an example of securely attached kids and further explained that the parenting most kids get today is not conducive to secure, happy children. Kids are born with medical interventions that disrupt the normal gentle beginnings of bonding, they are then rushed off to daycare, herded through the day with dozens of other kids, rushed home, fed non-nutritous food, often in front of the TV, then left alone to whine and nag until they finally go to sleep at night, often way too late than is good, all while the parents react instead of act. Of course they are going to clamour for their parents' attention the minute the parents sit down because it's the only time they get with them.
I've just started reading a great book that is highly praised among families who have adopted older children. It's called "Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers" and it has a very good explanation of what happened in the last 50 years to the American family and childrearing culture. So far, I agree with everything I've read, especially after observing it first-hand as a childcare provider and being a childcare provider I can observe the changes in the children and know the limits of what I can provide for the children in my position of caregiver. I highly recommend this book!