Saturday, May 19, 2012
An unfortunate thing has already begun. As I show Sissy's picture to people, many feel compelled to make comparisons between my two girls. The most unfortunate so far, has come from a Chinese person at our favorite restaurant, comparing the girls' looks. She felt compelled to say that one girl was more beautiful than the other and also how jealous Jie Jie is going to be when she has a sister. I didn't get riled up, having now realized that comments of this nature are inevitable, but I did say that whenever a sibling is born into a family, the existing siblings always experience some kind jealousy and that it's perfectly normal.
I also get a LOT of comments about how I'll now have a "helper," a "babysitter," "what, a TEEN, uh oh!"
I wish that when people saw Sissy's picture, they could seee what I do, which is a beautiful young girl who is about to get what every child should always have, a loving family. I wish they could see into my heart, open so wide and ready to love her, eager to get to know her and everything there is to know about her, to receive into my life another precious daughter.
Yes, in my heart of hearts, I did have a place of fear when I thought she could be my height already, because I wasn't sure how easy it would be to see her as the child she still is if she was my size, or if she could see me as her mother. But I was ready to do whatever it took, no matter what. Now that I know she is exactly as I expected, I feel peace inside me that I will do a great job, even through the normal hard stuff that will come up.
I look back on my year with Jie Jie and realize that it's been exactly as I've felt - simply wonderful and so much easier than I could have ever imagined. The only hard part has been outside our home - Kaiser. It's been VERY, VERY, VERY stressful dealing wtih them and fighting constantly with them for my child's well-being. But my love has given me strength to keep up the fight, for if I don't, her entire quality of life will be compromised.
I trust that the information, tools, and support I have will carry me through the first year with my teenager as easily as it did with Jie Jie. If anything, I'm actually more prepared this time, having already realized where my support truly is.
I'm not looking for a helper or a babysitter. I'm about to have my second child. I will fully take care of her, as if she was a new baby, as a good mother should, and as she is ready, she will be given appropriate responsibilities, according to her abilities, so that she can develop all the good things that comes with this.