Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The First Little Snip

Last week, I felt the first little snip of the umbellical cord being cut when I asked Jie Jie if she is interested in knowing more about her birth family and she lit up and gave me an emphatic YES. I asked her what she'd like to know and she said she wanted to know if she has any brothers or sisters. I told her that I wanted to know what they named her. This really lit her up and she told me that when she's in bed, but not yet asleep, she thinks about this, too.

I didn't know that she had such a good understanding of family relations to wonder if she has siblings. I didn't realize she already had such a highly developed life apart from me.

A couple weekends ago, I attended a class at my adoption agency presented by two women who were adopted in China. One was a junior in college, and the other was a year out of college. They spoke on what adoption was like for them, as the children of adoption. They were very candid. Afterwards, as I was talking to another adoptive mom, we started talking about birth family searches. I'd like nothing more than to let Jie Jie's birth parents know that she is safe and well.

While in China, I'd like to get a copy of my daughter's orphanage record, the police report, if there is one, of her finding, and just put out a general feeler. I couldn't imagine wanting to keep my child with all my heart, yet knowing if I didn't give her up she'd surely die.


Karen said...

It's very interesting that they can be so mature in their thinking, and yet so young.
The orphanage should have record of her finding ad, and you can write to the orphanage for that, without having to go directly to the orphanage, if you know someone who can translate for you.
Our daughter was found in a very conspicuous place, and we have pictures dating back to the date she was actually found. We plan on going back to China when she is older (late teens/early twenties) when she can process everything as an adult, and taking her picture from when she was found, back to the place she was found to ask if anyone recognizes the picture.
I've also read somewhere that after (I think) 15 years, there is no longer threat of being imprisoned for abandoning a child, so that is another good reason we plan to wait. It's a fine line though. The longer we wait, the colder the trail can become. But for us, the wait is something I think is necessary, because if we found them now, it would be a whole lot for her to process. And it doesn't seem fair to do that to her, regardless of her ability to think about it now. It's a whole other ball of wax when reality hits them in the face.

K said...

I had planned to wait until my daughter was able to search herself, but I was encouraged by someone at Heartsent not to wait. The longer you wait, the colder the trail and the more things change, like buildings being torn down and rebuilt, etc...

I have a copy of my daughter's finding ad, that's how I know what was left with her. I also have a copy of the note that her birth parents wrote.

What I hope to get is a police report, if there is one, and make gentle enquiries in case there is anyone who happens to know her family but is afraid to admit it.

Anonymous said...

There is a blog I read that sounds like it will be useful for you. It is of a family that has adopted a daughter from China and have a relationship with her birthparents. The two posts I've linked to below are beautiful pieces of their story ..

K said...

Thank you, Anonymous!

Anonymous said...

Please note that the "abandonment" story you may have been lend to believe to be true may actually involve unfortunate or unpleasant circumstances and the birthparents) may not view the child as their loss or view the relinquishment as troublesome. Please note there are legal ramifications for individuals who illegally abandon. It is a different way of life in China vs. US. Also, this adult information is alot for a young child to process throughout their early lives (in theory it may be simplistic but in reality it may be a constant mental struggle).