Sunday, June 17, 2012

Referral Predictions

I wish I understood Rumor Queen's data tables, but I don't. However, way back when, around my three year LID time, I did some basic math based on the current trend of how many days were gotten through each month, figuring for the further slowing down that was occurring, and I came out with a wait time of 6 years 4 months for myself. My LID is April 15, 2007. Going with this wait, I'd expect my referral to come in August 2013.

Now, according to RQ's numbers of LID days gotten through each month since Dec. 2009, throwing out the two highs of 14 and keeping in the next two highs of 10 days and keeping the two lows of 2 days, the average number of days gotten through, per month, is 5.4 days.

Now, referrals have come for families logged in up to Sept. 11, 2006. Never mind the few Sept. 12s that got in in the last batch. Count the days from Sept. 11, 2006 to my LID of April 15, 2007, which is 216.

Divide 216 by 5.4, which is 40. According to this math, I will be waiting 40 MORE months for my referral. I can't imagine waiting 10 years and 2 months for this child.

This doesn't sound right, and I'm sure I made a mistake somewhere, but I can't find where. Perhaps my dad will catch it and call me, but people with Sept. 11, 2006 LIDs did wait 5 years and 9 months. So, I'm coming in right at 6 years and 4 months of waiting for my referral, which would fall about right on the curve.

I'm going to be watching referrals closely from this December on because I have to decide to renew my imigration paperwork and I won't be allowed to renew under I-600 any more, but have to do I-800. This means more homestudy paperwork and about $800 more, but I'd have to pay that anyway to renew. It's the paperwork that adds cost and time on top of this.

Personally, I am in "Wait and See" mode. With Jie Jie's care unknown at this time, and Sissy's adjustment unknown, there isn't much else I can do. There is also the fact that I need consider the cost of finishing Apple's local adoption expenses and flying three of us to China and four of us home, and bringing that large bit of cash we all take with us to China. I've barely made it financially this time and I've had a tremendous amount of help with airfare. I'm still paying for travel expenses from when I adopted Jie Jie. Let's face it, three adoptions in three years is a tremendous expense for any family, and more so for a single, self-employed mom who does daycare and lives in the Bay Area.

I would encourage anyone still waiting, especially those with children who are growing older waiting for their sibling, to look seriously at the Waiting Child List. If you have a child who expects to be able to play with their sibling at all, you need to adopt an older child. Otherwise, it will be like having two only-children. There are advantages to this for the parents, but not for the siblings. There are still so many misconceptions about the children on the Waiting Child List. One of the biggest misconceptions centers around children who are Hepatitis B positive. I had a LOT of misconceptions about this, too. I didn't realize that this can be cleared almost completely from the body without any effects EVER. However, in some cases, it can flare up and require treatment, but that's usually not the case.

Heart defects are also misunderstood and can seem very frightening. Honestly, though, most kids outgrow PDA and other similar conditions on their own and by the time of adoption, there isn't any defect at all, yet they are still on the Waiting Child List. All babies are born with PDA, which is a hole in the heart that allows blood to bypass the lungs. However, at the time of birth, the hole closes. In some cases, especially prematurity, this doesn't happen. Over time, if the hole is small, it closes on its own. Sometimes medication is needed and it works. Other times surgery is needed. While heart surgery sounds dramatic and scary, this is a VERY routine operation done on the tiniest of babies all the time.

Then there are kids with birthmarks or scars or a hand that is underdeveloped. Believe me, you don't need two hands. I've met plenty of people with only one good working hand and even watched a man compete at a high level of fencing with only one arm that worked. There are many children with one blind eye, usually because it's underdeveloped. I nearly adopted a child like this when I was told Jie Jie's file was locked by another family. This child now resides with a family whose blog you can read HERE. If she'd wear a prosthetic eye, no one would be able to tell that she had one tiny eye and one normal eye. In fact, I met a little boy last week at my adoption agency who had had cancer in one eye so it was removed in China and I would never have known if the mother hadn't have told me.

The children on the Waiting Child List are not medical conditions. They are beautiful children in need of families. Can you imagine my little Jie Jie still in China? Look at how beautiful she is! Look how healthy she is! Look how smart and wonderful and fun and charming and delightful she is! Yes, I have my moments of grief over what she cannot do, but honestly, do kids NEED sports to lead a full life? As for the problem's I have with Kaiser, these are problems that millions of families all across America have with our Dollar-based medical care distribution system (I refuse to call it healthcare any more because it isn't). I am one victim in a sea of millions. I just didn't know this sea existed.

I worry less about The Wait, and more about Waiting Children. There is a little girl Jie Jie's age still in China with a Tessier cleft who has had great surgery in China. She still needs about three more surgeries. If I'd known that my local Kaiser had one of the best craniofacial centers around, and, knowing what I now do about how Kaiser works, I'd have adopted this child, hands down, easy decision.

I feel very fortunate that I am open to the children on the Waiting Child List. This means that I can look at my family and look at thousands of children, and do my best to find the best match for one of those children and my family, which is what CCCWA does when matching your baby to you. Please look at my family closely. Both Jie Jie and Sissy are off that list. What would I do without them? The joy Jie Jie has brought to my life is beyond description. I fully expect my joy with Sissy to be the same. Already in preparing for her arrival, I'm full of joy in every little task I accomplish. Imagine feeling joy when passing the suitcases in the department store, or seeing a young girl who is just past my shoulder's in height. I can imagine my joy on the day I receive her, a total stranger completely dependent on me, coming willingly, bravely, to a strange new world. Her bravery alone staggers me. Remember, children 10 and older must give their permission to be adopted. Think of yourself at that age. I look forward to ways in which I will change because of her, like I did with Jie Jie, to become a better person. Could you have left everything you've ever known and the only people you've ever loved and gone across the world with a stranger who didn't even speak your language? I am in tears as I type this, just thinking about what our children endure to make it into our lives.


Princess D said...

Wonderful post!
And actually now when I look at people in my vicinity who are differently abled, I think of those Waiting Children. At work there is a woman without an eye, a couple people with limb differences and others with all sorts of different conditions. Then I'll think of how they have a job here and people enjoy getting to work with them, and how those children may never get the same opportunities over there.
Honestly when I look at the pictures of the kiddos, I just ohh and ahh over how cute they are before I even look at their "disability". Then most of the time, I have to look up what it is.
No I can not imagine leaving everything I have now, let alone when I was younger! It makes me want to give that feeling of attachment to my future daughter that much more.
10 years. . .that is crazy long! That is a lot for one woman to think about and pray on. I understand the unknowns, and you're trying to do the best by both of the daughters now, let alone to the one still out there.
Again, wonderful post!!!

Carrie said...

Really nice post! And thought provoking.

However, I also check RQ and unfortunately, I think your new estimate is correct. On average, they have been referring 2 LID months per calendar year. With that in mind, I would figure at least 3.5 years from now. And there have been rumors that it may slow down even more. I hope that I am wrong. What does your agency say?

I am excited about your new daughter. How exciting for you all to soon be a family of 3!! Very awesome indeed!!

(my LID is 9.20.06)

Lynnea said...

So....yes, I'm afraid it will be 10+ years to wait for a NSN adoption to happen. :( And even then I've heard rumor their NSN will be ending. China is realizing that they have no girls for the amount of boys that are getting to be of marrying age!
So......does mean you could use that LID for another "SN" child?
Praying for direction and clarity for you. If you can keep your 600 "active" the wait between your PA and TA is MUCH faster. And less headaches!
Too bad you can't go for another child on this save the travel costs and time off work mainly. The other costs are the same.
Hugs as you make a hard decision coming up.