Sunday, September 23, 2012

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Today was a step back. So much testing from Blossom. But our day didn't start out that way. Our morning was rather fun, with sleeping in, then all the girls piling onto my bed for snuggling and horseplay. They each took a turn playing games that we usually play with babies. We helped Blossom do it, too, but it was hard for her because it was so stimulating to her senses. She's obviously never been touched. No hugs, pats, no one bathing her, nothing. I can finally bathe her without her squirming like she's being tortured.

I made a great breakfast of fried rice omlettes and homemade apple muffins, which the girls loved. Then, as we prepared for our outing, the behavior began. Now, as I type this I can clearly see that it was going somewhere new that triggered it. Why it didn't occur to me at the time, I don't know, especially after my last post.

During her time out, she ripped out the hair style I'd done on her, which let me know how much it means to her when I do her hair. Every little bit of information I gain, is precious.

Once we finally got underway, things went well. Dinner was delivered by a friend, for which I am most grateful!!! My friend included brownies for dessert and I gave one to each girl, but Blossom still had one tiny bite to go. I was helping her, once again, to use her fork to pick up the food, not as a scraper into her mouth with her mouth down on the bowl. Having gone through this with my other two, I'm completely aware that it's common in China to eat this way, but with my utter attention on helping her, she still didn't try and, with my "No," ringing in her ears, still shoved that last scoop in doggy style. Well, her brownie disappeared faster than she could fathom, back into the brownie dish. She smiled expectantly, thinking it was just a warning, then when I excused her from the table to go and brush her teeth, she sat in silent surprise until I excused her again and she saw that I meant it.

I realized today, that the more good behavorior Blossom has, the harder it is to be tolerant of the bad behavorior, so I'm going to watch myself for this since it's not fair to her. I'm very conscious of the number of days she's been with me and that helps. If I'd gone to China to get her, today would have been the day we travelled home. This is helping me keep my expectations of her realistic.

Meanwhile, Sissy is continueing to do very well. She has settled right in and is truly beginning to understand the advantages of having a family. She no longer carries the worry of what will happen to her when she turns 18, since I already told her that she'll still be here with me at that time. Watching Blossom has helped her see more clearly what her own life was like at her orphanage. Sissy has just enough moments of less than stellar behavorior and grieving to let me know that she is on a good course.

Jie Jie is beginning to like having a big sister in Sissy, but doesn't quite see Blossom as a sister yet. This mostly due to the fact that Blossom doesn't behave as a family member yet. Don't get me wrong, we have some wonderful family time, like yesterday, when everyone is playing or doing something together and having a great time, but left on her own, Blossom is still not integrated yet. She does favor being with me, which is great, and I'm taking full advantage of that for some serious bonding time. It was very satisfying this morning when all three of my girls crowded around me in the kitchen to see how muffins were made, each getting to help in some way. It was exactly as I imagined our life should be.


kimjax said...

I've been reading along this week after complete shock last week! What a surprise when you said, "THREE!" You're amazing friend and I love hearing how you do it!

Anonymous said...

It is those small moments when you can see what it "can" be that will help sustain you when Blossom acts up.

You are doing so great, K.