Wednesday, June 4, 2014

I've Got a Word


Compensate.

Leave delayed, catch up and all the other stock terms behind. Like Shecki said in her comment a few posts back, her son is retarded. It's not a harsh term. It's the truth. He is never going to catch up because he cannot. He CAN be helped to strive to reach his potential, and no one knows what his potential is, but he will never do what his healthy peers can do. Not even eat like they do. Now, as I type this I am not neglecting real God-given healing miracles that are always possible. But as Christians, we know that suffering is part of our existence on earth and it's for a reason. Even the suffering of little children. And we can still find happiness in our lives despite and often IN spite of our challenges.

I cannot fill all the gaps my girls have. It's impossible. They cannot catch up. They will never be "normal" because they lack so much and there is permanent damage to their brains and bodies because of their life in the orphanages, malnutrition causing stunted growth, for example. The question really is this: Can they can gain enough to be able to COMPENSATE and function adequately in society?

I believe my oldest, Sissy, can compensate. She's already doing it. There are huge gaps and lacks, but she's finding ways to compensate and function.

I don't know if Blossom can. She has made progress, but her starting level is so very low and she's moving so slowly that only time will tell. One of her biggest handicaps is actually her greatest strength. She loves people and being with people - desperately. She's outgoing to the point of indiscriminate attachment. People see a charming, outgoing girl and wonder what's wrong with ME! Well, they don't see everything else that's going on with HER...

I don't know if Jie Jie can compensate, but she has a better chance at it than Blossom because she's younger and not as behind for her chronological age - providing she keeps progressing, but it's her slowing down in progress that's caused me great concern lately. She tried to compensate by bluffing and lying and sneaking. Not a good way to cope. At least things are looking better for her now that she's been caught and has to admit her lack of understanding at even the simplest things and put aside embarrassment and shame and realize this is what it is and we have to face it and deal with it accordingly.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jie Jie's world has been completely rocked. In 3 years, she went from being your only "baby" to now one of 4, and not the "baby" of your family anymore. She may yet make better choices again. Can you ever get a sitter and do things one on one with the girls? I think Jie Jie would love your undivided attention. It has been 5 years since my oldest ceased being the baby of the family, but she still sometimes seems resentful that she had to give up her place as the baby.

Anonymous said...

Your three oldest girls have an awful lot going on -- until you nail down the specifics of their learning disabilities/processing delays, you can't really gauge the odds of them being able to "compensate".