Sunday, October 5, 2014

Dating & Relationships 2

The commenter has an excellent point here that My Firefighter has even brought up: "I worry that this life I've chosen will be too much for him and he will runaway and leave multiple broken hearts."

I'd love to hear from some men on this one. Women, will you please bring this before your husbands and see what they have to say? I'm personally most interested in the older dads - the over 50s, especially for those where the adopted children have come along after the older ones have left home, a "second family" situation, but any age dad or man is welcome to help out here. How about a dad who was planning a different sort of retirement when the plan changed to starting again with new children through adoption?

Parenting adopted children, especially those with special needs, is a different lifestyle. Bring in a man who thought retirement was going to be completely different, and then what? How does a man handle this? My Firefighter struggles with this, too. He's said that he looks at us and sees taking us on as the most rewarding thing he'll ever do. Other times, it's a scary prospect. He was on a course that included a retirement filled with hiking and travel and waiting for a grandchild or two, perhaps even moving out-of-state to be near these future grandchildren. Suddenly, our of nowhere, we pop up and into his heart.

Come on men, please give us single ladies some advice here. How did you do it with your wives? What advice would you give to a man contemplating taking on an instant family like this? What questions would you ask him or think a woman should ask him? What questions should a woman ask a man?

Please send this one out as far into blogger cyberspace as possible so we can get a good variety of commenters!


gail said...

Talk to Linny @

She and her husband are in their 50's and have birth children, grandchildren, and many special needs adopted children.

She is a wise, kind, Godly woman.

My prayer is for you and your firefighter to continue this relationship and the love deepen.

Anonymous said...

I thought this blog post from Stephanie was inspired.

My husband is also 50 and retirement is in reach. Communication is key as is compromise. Eliminating distractions, staying organized (I liked to collect "stuff"), saying "no" to a ton of outside commitments (I wanted a dog, but the commitment is too much with kids and a pet,) and making it easier for him to come to a *somewhat* calm home is a must for him. I also put the kids in school instead of homeschooling, I needed a bit of respite and while the kids were at school, I go could do things like go grocery shopping, and running errands so I wasn't asking him to pick up things after his long day.

We both have given up a lot for our family, but we wouldn't want it any other way.

Jennie said...

Check out Jean Mulvahill's blog at:

She and husband are in their fifties, and have adopted 13 special needs children from China. Some were older kids. They are in the process of adopting 2 more from China.

All the very best in this relationship with Mr. Firefighter. Pray intentionally for this relationship to deepen, Lord willing.

Jessica said...

No advice whatsoever, just wanted to say hello & thank you for blogging -- we haven't talked in years and years, but I enjoy keeping up with everything here. You're doing a great job with everything :o) xo

Anonymous said...

I am an older man who has chosen raising adopted kids over retirement. I would rather stay active with work and family than go on retirement vacations anyway. I get plenty of time to ride my bike and see friends, but am still in the raising children world with my wife. it is a choice. I guess that the real question is which choice does he want to make? Even if he does make the choice to be with you, it may not be like he thinks it will be. You have to know that he has the strength of character to be flexible, learn and stick it out. Family is better than lonely retirement in my opinion.