The bishop at church tonight (who is a public school principal) essentially told me to focus on the positive things my girls can do, stop talking to everyone about the girls' problems (I'm just trying to get advice and insight from more experienced moms), put them in school, that there are programs where I can leave them even up to 6pm (I became a mom to leave my kids all day in the care of strangers?), that his 14 yr. old daughter also has temper tantrums (when I asked if his daughter throws furniture he said he's not going to get into the one-up thing), that other moms don't follow their kids around at activities telling them to go talk to kids their own age (after prying Blossom and Sissy off an 18 yr. old girl who has problems of her own with attachment in her bio family and has totaled 2 cars this year, who Blossom passed inappropriate notes to with sayings copied from greeting cards), and to just let my kids fail and work things out for themselves because kids learn through failure. Not one person has shown any care or alarm or compassion for Apple when I say, "My older kids hurt my 3 yr. old." Not one. Thank heavens our geneticist warned me that this would happen so I was on the lookout for it and can protect my child.
Here's the kicker. His sister and her husband (also educators) adopted a sibling group 6 years ago. The youngest was 4 and the oldest 12 at the time. The 12 yr. old just turned 18. First thing he did was leave his adoptive family and return to his birth family, despite their drug abuse issues that caused the kids to be removed in the first place.
I re-read THIS article about moms like me in the trenches. I guess I'll shut up at church now and realize that no one is ever going to care that I'm in need here of a little compassion and understanding and that maybe an "I'm so sorry. Please know I'm thinking about you and praying for you and your kids," would go really far to helping me get through the week.