Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Jei Jei Doing Well, Blossom Not So Well


Jie Jie has continued to do well. It's so nice to have her back from that awful place she's been for so long - a self-imposed mental prison, for lack of a better analogy. What has continued to come out is the ways that Blossom has been using her and Sissy to cover her own inadequacies and misdeeds. The two girls have been afraid for Blossom to get in trouble (she makes TONS of bad decisions regularly) so they've been covering for her, and helping her where her abilities fall short. Helping can be a good thing, but the way it was occurring was preventing Blossom from progressing, or, for that matter, failing. If I don't see her failing, how will I know she needs teaching in that area?

Now that Blossom's weaknesses are exposed and she's stripped of power over her sisters and me, she's raging often. I am reacting to it in a calm and loving way, but matter-of-fact way. She disobeyed a rule on the first day of sports camp yesterday and then bragged to her sisters about it and told them not to tell, but, thankfully, they did, so I pulled her completely out of sports camp.

I did contemplate having her miss only one day, but after much prayer and thought, I realized that the biggest offense, using her sisters and drawing them into her plot, merited a serious consequence. Any hesitation I had that I was making the wrong decision was instantly quelled after speaking to one of the professionals at a residential facility in another state that provides care for children with RAD, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and the other conditions that children acquire when they've been abused and neglected. This place is VERY experienced and doesn't drug the kids up, but uses natural cause and effect life situations, etc... They have successfully helped many, many children and their families and I'm grateful that they took the time to help me when I simply called them up and asked.

It was relieving and encouraging to hear a professional in the exact field of helping girls like mine tell me that I'm doing a GREAT job, reiterate that unless people have lived with these kids they can't possibly *get* it, and, most of all, reminded me that the trauma and damage my kids sustained happened long before I ever got them and that the goal is to teach these kids self-control and appropriate behavior above all else.

4 comments:

Lisa and Tate said...

You are doing an amazing job with your girls. Never doubt this.

Anonymous said...

It's always good to get confirmation from others who deal with kids like yours. I'll bet it's a relief for Sissy and Jie Jie to be out from under Blossom's control. I hope it helps speed up Blossom's growth by making her accountable for her own behavior. I know it will probably get worse before it gets better, but in the end I pray that Blossom will be able to enjoy a secure and happy life with a mama who truly loves her. You are a brave and strong mom!

gail said...


I love to read about your life as it helps me so much. I have a question for you please. I have adopted 2 from a sibling group of 6. My two came to me after the other 4 were placed in their current adoptive home. One of their siblings is doing really bad and has been in a residential treatment place for the past 18 months. It has NOT been a good placement for him. He is currently in need of another residential treatment placement as his current one will no longer keep him. Sad, but they don't know how to treat him. I love what you talked about in this posting. It seems that the out of state place you talked to is keenly aware of these children's behaviors. This sibling is so much like your girls and his adoptive mother has tried so very hard to find the best way to help him. It is so hard when you have others not believing what you say regarding said children and even blame you.

If you don't mind, will you please share the contact information for this residential facility?

Thanks gail

Chris said...

Hi friend
I have been reading your blog over the last couple days, trying to catch up on what has been happening in your life-SO sorry we lost touch over the winter months-and I am also sorry life has not been easy for you with your daughters-
I "found" you again after a comment you left on someone else's blog, so hopefully we can stay connected again-
sounds like you are working really hard to provide for your daughters, and I sure hope they someday appreciate you and your labors of love
Blessings