Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Jei Jei Doing Well, Blossom Not So Well
Jie Jie has continued to do well. It's so nice to have her back from that awful place she's been for so long - a self-imposed mental prison, for lack of a better analogy. What has continued to come out is the ways that Blossom has been using her and Sissy to cover her own inadequacies and misdeeds. The two girls have been afraid for Blossom to get in trouble (she makes TONS of bad decisions regularly) so they've been covering for her, and helping her where her abilities fall short. Helping can be a good thing, but the way it was occurring was preventing Blossom from progressing, or, for that matter, failing. If I don't see her failing, how will I know she needs teaching in that area?
Now that Blossom's weaknesses are exposed and she's stripped of power over her sisters and me, she's raging often. I am reacting to it in a calm and loving way, but matter-of-fact way. She disobeyed a rule on the first day of sports camp yesterday and then bragged to her sisters about it and told them not to tell, but, thankfully, they did, so I pulled her completely out of sports camp.
I did contemplate having her miss only one day, but after much prayer and thought, I realized that the biggest offense, using her sisters and drawing them into her plot, merited a serious consequence. Any hesitation I had that I was making the wrong decision was instantly quelled after speaking to one of the professionals at a residential facility in another state that provides care for children with RAD, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and the other conditions that children acquire when they've been abused and neglected. This place is VERY experienced and doesn't drug the kids up, but uses natural cause and effect life situations, etc... They have successfully helped many, many children and their families and I'm grateful that they took the time to help me when I simply called them up and asked.
It was relieving and encouraging to hear a professional in the exact field of helping girls like mine tell me that I'm doing a GREAT job, reiterate that unless people have lived with these kids they can't possibly *get* it, and, most of all, reminded me that the trauma and damage my kids sustained happened long before I ever got them and that the goal is to teach these kids self-control and appropriate behavior above all else.