Tuesday, August 25, 2015

...and Even Worse!

What is considered a decent and fair try? I'm told by "everyone" that it takes time to get things just right the first week or so of school, especially in special education.

Today, they did get the schedule right. And some girl got jealous of sharing her aid and bullied my daughter. Other kids witnessed it and tried to stop it. Teachers did seem to do the right thing, but my child ended up being found crying in the bathroom. It was bad enough that the other girl "got written up."

How much is enough? My daughter was bullied in China mercilessly for the first 11.75 years of her life - the worst of it in school there.

I did meet someone today who may be the answer to a prayer. He is truly an advocate for the child and seems to work the system like I've never known someone on the inside would do.

This whole public school business has been MUCH harder than having my daughter at home. But, and it's a big one, she does disrupt my work and without that we can't put food on the table. I need more kids in my daycare to make ends meet, too, so it's only going to get harder and more demanding.

On the other hand, she's MY child. My first loyalty needs to be to her. This was the biggest issue I wrestled with when thinking about adopting. A single mom NEEDS to work. There isn't a choice. But what is the cost now to my daughter?

Still no bus. Apple started her school season speech therapy today.

I really need to figure this out by the end of this week or I'm going to crash and burn.


Anonymous said...

Have you asked her what she wants?

Anonymous said...

Sammers- rude and unhelpful.

Anonymous said...

My best friend is the special ed secretary of a rather large school district. I asked her what you should do. She said to find out WHO EXACTLY is in charge of scheduling students for the buses. Call that person, beginning at 6 am, and ask if your daughter is on the list for pickup today.

Then write an email to the head of special ed, cc the special ed secretary, the person in charge of the bus scheduling, the principal of her school, and the superintendent; document what you are told. (look at the district website, these people should be listed.)

Begin again at 1pm, asking if she will be brought home on the bus. Again, document. Immediately. Do this daily. It will not take long at all to get positive results. There are many laws surrounding special ed students. As soon as so many people have knowledge of your transportation woes, someone will take responsibility and get the job done.

Hang in there, it really is worth it.

Anonymous said...

Oh, yeah, Sammers, beyond obnoxious!
Get a life. Somewhere else.

Anonymous said...

Although these first few days must seem like an eternity, things will get smoother. When I am anxious or stressed about a situation regarding one of my daughters in special ed I mentally set a time frame for resolution. I try to be realistic keeping in mind that with many children in the system it is likely that my child is no one's particular priority. Just keeping it real in my head. I try to give the staff the benefit of the doubt and cut some slack for a few days just because I have been doing this special ed thing for over 15 years. And in the end it almost always works out in at least a satisfactory fashion.

Believe me, I am not minimizing your anguish at the thought of your daughter being bullied. I know how that cuts to the core. When one of my daughters was bullied I became fly paper on the Dean of Student's face. I was reasonable and calm, but I simply stayed the course in a very consistent way until it was resolved by having them keep the bully away from my daughter. She could not do it herself. Just no discernment skills or ability to know when to walk away. So I had to consistently educate the staff about her, and in the end they came to appreciate and protect her more.

Try not to panic. It is okay that you need to have Blossom educated outside of your home for a number of very good reasons. No one has the right to judge that. You are doing a good job, and your decision is well thought out. Nothing would be perfect, even if she stayed home for schooling. There is no way you could meet her needs adequately due to your need to work and provide for the family.

I think things will work out at the school simply because you are as reliable as they come. You will stay on it until the situation resolves. Blossom will be okay. She may experience some hurtful actions of others, but you cannot protect her from that. It is unfortunately something that will follow her throughout her life. She is probably more resilient than you realize now. And some things may not even stick to her the way they would to a typically developing child. Sometimes the kids who are a little slower cognitively don't ponder situations too long. They move on mentally, always looking to see what comes next because they are easily distracted. That can be a good thing when it involves the mean action of another individual. It can be a blessing in disguise.

I am praying for you during this trying time. I feel the anxiety with you. Peace to you, and calmness to your days.

Peggy said...

I was thinking of the bullying at school being similar to what she experienced in China. Not that bullying is something that should happen or that you shouldn't be concerned about it and how it affects your daughter, but it's possible that with her seeing a different outcome here (the other child being disciplined), could be somewhat healing for her. She may feel more loved and protected making the experience less harmful in the end.

Keep up the good work and things will shake out in the end!

K said...

Thank you, Peggy and "Anonymous-es" You all raised some very good points. I think it can be very healing for Blossom to see that bullying will not be tolerated here - provided it doesn't continue. It is true that I can't currently meet her educational needs at home. I was hoping that the schools would be able to do so. I have told myself to give it a month. I have a back-up plan just in case, thank heavens! As for the bus thing, I've still not heard and it's so hard for me to be on the phone given the needs of my kids and daycare kids, spending time telling people that they need to do their job.

What does Blossom want? She wants to return to home school, especially after the bullying, but also because she knows she's not being challenged academically and she's fearful of falling more behind.

Thank you, also for your suggestions to Sammers. Thank heavens for the delete key.

I'm hanging in there!

Anonymous said...

K- My son has an IEP and is entitled to use the bus, even though we live close enough for him to walk. When I was making arrangements for the bus, which were exhausting, I found that they work VERY early. The bus system for the school starts at 5am or something. They are gone by 4pm. I would recommend you call them VERY early to make sure she is on their schedule.

It also sounds like you found a really good advocate within the school so I would let him know you still need support in the transportation department.

Sending you encouragement today!

K said...

I made calls today. I went to the school. I emailed. I called more. So far, nothing on the bus situation. I keep getting told to call so-and-so who tells me to call yet another so-and-so or that it takes a week or that it takes 30 days.

Nothing also describes what my child did all day in school. In chorus, for 1 hr. 45 min. she sat and did nothing. It's a mainstream class and there was a sub. The sub passed out a blank piece of paper and told the students to draw an instrument, then to take out any homework or books they had and occupy themselves for the remainder of the class. Oh, she did dance and then sat in front of another video - a dance video, then a video about a "classroom then another one about two men telling stories."

She played a money game and did two worksheets at pre-k and k level.

Today was supposed to be Developmental Skills, Adaptive PE, and Mixed Chorus. They did meet the mainstream students who will help them in PE when PE started next week (third week of school).