Saturday, August 15, 2015

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

We had a great morning. We were close and their hearts opened to me and each other.

We had a good experience doing some charity work at church making blankets for Project Linus.

We had a great lunch at church.

Everyone behaved very well.

We had a good afternoon.

The open hearts from this morning lingered. They felt my love. They felt secure. They wanted to share...

..and memories of life in China seeped into the discussion.

Anxiety levels rose. Slowly. Steadily. I knew it was coming.

Blossom sabotaged herself in a minor way at bedtime but it led to a crying fit. I handled it well. She handled it well. It didn't develop into a full-blown tantrum.

I saw the look on Jie Jie's face before she got ready for bed, verge of tears but distancing herself from it. She squeezed me so tight giving me a bedtime hug, it actually hurt. Now she is up and it's nearly midnight. She can't sleep, haunted by the mystery of her life in China. She calls it "China stuff." She's got memories of feelings, very, very, very early ones. It's astonishing what she can remember from so early in her life. It bothers her that she can't remember it enough to put it into words.

Sissy is up, too, still in her bed but restless, sometimes dozing off and talking loudly in her sleep.

It's so hard for them to accept love and feel safe and secure in it. They want it. They crave it. They can't seem to stand it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Keep laying those new pathways in their brains. Consistency is key. Just seeing their progress in processing their feelings and emotions is an awesome milestone. They do need
to process it all in order to get past it. My daughter was home for six years before we
were able to help her process the non-verbal, pre-English memories. We did reach out for
help thru an attachment therapist (5 years) and then an EMDR LCSW (5 months). Along with therapeutic parenting (still, always) and some anti-anxiety meds (short term, minimal dose) until she could walk into a medical or dental appointment without completely being triggered. We did not deal with RAD but with anxious attachment and PTSD or Developmental Trauma, whatever you choose to call exists and the all those symptoms overlap with RAD. From what I have read, RAD is usually a result of developmental trauma.

I learned there was usually a HUGE push back against letting in love,
right before my daughter would actually let love in. It isn't linear healing.
New experiences and maturity will bring them right back to re-process it again
at a new level of understanding.

I also found there is regression or another HUGE push back right before a cognitive leap.
Some of our daughters' cognitive leaps are based on how long they are in their family instead of actual age. Family age vs. calendar age.

Thank you for always telling it like it is. I know you can't give all the nitty gritty details in your blog and there is always interpretation from my end as the reader. It is the nature of a blog. I am a long time reader, occasional commenter.
Thank you for sharing.