Monday, June 12, 2017

Long-Term Plans for My Daughters

Well, this commenter raised this very good question after my last post.

The one thing I can say for certain is that my oldest three children will not be able to live independently. They will ALWAYS need some kind of support and quite a lot since they won't be able to learn to cook more than reheating in a microwave.

Because I'm still in the learning phase as to what's available to adults with special needs, I can't say for certain what we'll be doing. Most likely, Jie Jie will always be with me. She and I get along very well and she's very content with me. As long as this suits us both, that's our current plan.

Sissy wants to stay at home, but her behavior, which is within her power to change, may necessitate placement outside our home in a group home/independent living situation. I'm trying my best to get us through the summer and see what she's like after starting the Adult Transitional Program through our public school district in the fall. We've just coming off a three day episode of bad behavior and, quite frankly, I'm just about at my limit with dealing with it. Five years of this is taking a terrible toll on me and the other children.

Blossom may want to live in a group home/independent living situation because she's more adventurous and social. Some days she says she wants to live and home and other days she wants to move out. She's only 16 so we've got plenty of time to see what will be best for her. I think that in the long run, she's going to find living at home and going to a day program just the right balance for her. There are dangers to group homes and one of the faculty at the school where Sissy will be in the ATP this fall told us that her friend's daughter was in a group home and that she had to share a room with a woman who would get up in the middle of the night and punch her in the face. This happened several times before the woman was moved to a more secure place.

There are no easy answers and no perfect solutions. There are pros and cons to every single decision I have to make. The weight of it all is staggering.


Nicole said...

yes, it is hard decisions...We put our daughter in a special home and she goes to "work"every day.
She has her own studio bathroom and small kitchen (25 m2, in france it is the law) but she eats with the group. She is very happy to come home every second WE and is happy to go back nearly each time. She has really improved in the 3 years she has been there.We love her dearly but we also appreciate some peace and quiet !
I hope you find the best solution. Don't stress, keep your faith, God will provide.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for always being willing to share your experiences and insights. I know exactly what you mean when you say Sissy's behavior is taking its toll on you and the other girls. Just the 24/7 needs of a group will do that too. I always thought my 3 daughters with special needs would live together in a supported environment. But as they are late teens and 21 years old now I can see that at least one of them is not good for the other two. She will need to have a plan apart from them. It's all so difficult to walk through and figure out. Good luck as you move forward. I'll be interested to see how this all pans out over the next few years.

Anonymous said...

First, let me just say that I can't imagine the weight of the decisions. I admire you for being so willing to take this on, living this day in and day out. (And before anyone judges, if anyone has read this blog for long, K thought Sissy was a healthy, but older child.) I remember reading that you thought that Blossom and maybe Sissy could one day go to college!

No easy decisions for sure, and it must be very scary the notion of your children surviving you. I hope you have some sort of support.

Cheering you on!

Anonymous said...

What about a group home on a trial basis for Sissy?